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The Month After Christmas

T’was the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
All the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber)
I’d remember the marvellous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rar’d
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “No thank you, please!
As I dressed myself in my husbands old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as only I can
You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore!
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all—and good diet!

MEW